Hubby called from just outside Swindon, before his interview. He was stationary on the carriageway in traffic.
Then he told me of the lay-bys along the carriage way filled with veterans in their berets. It was a guard of honour. The slow and silent cortège of coffin filled hearse, lead by Police escorts, passed in front of him. He was witnessing the repatriation of our young men who had fallen in Afghanistan.
We dare to get on with the day to day without a thought. I’m as guilty as the rest of us!
Now I can’t stop thinking of the men who are finally going home for the last time.
The vast majority of my dreams I never remember, but last week one did float around my mental recesses popping in and out of my thoughts at the most inappropriate moments.
Dearest Hubby say one of those moments and asked what I was thinking about, I told him.
I dreamt years in the future of SD coming to visit, she was now an adult and brought with her her beau, a rather dashing young man who kindly left his white steed outside (thank god, wouldn’t have a litter tray big enough, but then again it is a dream!)
Hubs was asked by Prince Charming for SDs hand – all keeping to tradition.I handed hubby a note saying ‘next will be the request to pay for said marriage (said like Jack Sparrow!).They will not be leaving here with a cheque.We have not seen SD for years and we should not have to pay for the privilege!’
I know, I’m cringing at that, the claws were out and there was a hint of cat like hissing and spitting is in the air!
As dreams do, it then jumped to a week before the wedding and Hubs and I were involved in the preparations at SDs house.Her Grandma was telling us in no uncertain terms to get out and don’t bother coming to the wedding.I then turned to SD and said your Grandma is paying for the wedding have a nice life and walked out.
If you can work out what my overactive imagination is getting up to when Im sleeping, let me know cause I don’t!
Back to reality!
First thing out of hubs mouth –‘Don’t use money as a weapon’
Not what I was expecting!
Then I thought about what I have used as a weapon, yes I have used money as a weapon.When SDs behaviour was at it’s worst she lost pocket money.Then I started thinking about the big picture.
Suzie Orman says:
“Never use money as a weapon or a shield. Money itself has no power; our actions, attitudes, and decisions give it influence.”
That observation could be made against practically any object or situation –
????? itself has no power; our actions, attitudes, and decisions give it influence.
Putting that in the context of a stepfamily.What weapons do you carry in your arsenal?
Is your arsenal full of positive actions, attitudes and decisions?
Remember:Do not let your weapons backfire on you!
BAS
If any of my fellow blogger would like to pick this topic up I would be most greatful. Still trying to get my head around the dream let alone the consequences of using money as a weapon within the stepfamily dynamic.
What can I say !!! Thank you Mesina for bestowing this award. Ist brought a smile to the beginning of a new week.
The Rules:
1. List five current obsessions
2. Pass the award onto five other blogs
hmmmm, my obsessions? Well here goes:
1. Hubby- Can you call your husband an obsession? I suppose seeing as I love him to bits and is No. 1 in my life I can get away with it.
2. Stepdaughter - I do obsess over SD, I obsess that one day she will see that all we have ever wanted was what was best for her.
3. Photography - I have completed my Level 1 City & Guilds, but can't afford Level 2 at the mo. Doesn't stop me from clicking away though!
4. Moving - want Hubs to get Swindon job, but also want him to be happy in what ever role he gets.
5. Write a book - one day I will actually get off my butt and grow my synopsis into a completed book!
Now for five lovely blogs I feel deserving of this award:
1. La Belle Mere- A down to earth lady with a fantastic blog. Her writing style and wit make for an enjoyable read and you do not even have to be a stepparent to appreciate it.
2. The Stepmom's Tool Box - Peggy is a wonderfully caring lady and has set up the stepmom's toolbox to provide resources and help for those stepmums struggling in a blended family.
3. With Eyes Wide Open - I love this blog. It is a warm and honest insight into a stepmothers life. We worth the read!
4. Kimmythingy - You know all those things that are necessity but dont hit you in the face until you need them, well kimmythingy tells it like it is, with a sprinkling of wit.
Monday - Hubby's told his contract terminates end of next week! Great bombshell to start the week with.
Tuesday - Recruiter calls hubby has a 45 minutes 'chat' over the phone on a prospective role. Recruiter puts hubs forward. Employers has quick chat with hubs over the phone and sets up an interview!
Wednesday - Interview! 30mins after hubs leaves he gets a call from recruiter they want him back for 2nd stage interview on 27th (isometric testing, verbalisation and presentation testing - rather him than me!!!).
Boy do that company work fast!!!
It would be a move to Swindon if he gets it.
Isle of Man job still in play too.
Stepdaughter, God Bless her. We have to remind her she is only 12 and freaks when you say she is a child, but she said on the way home last weekend, 'I will miss you if you have to move far, but I love you and understand.'
She maybe a child, but she can be mature when she needs to be.
Tagged: 1. Mesina 2. Toolbox Girl 3. As soon as I can think of anyone that has not already been tagged you will be next!!! whahahaha (wicked laugh!!!!)
My hubby had two job interviews, one on Monday the other on Tuesday. I have had earache most of the week. My boss has expected miracles from me when he drops things on me to complete yesterday (but I think the majority has one of those!)
The 'piesta resistance' - the job hubby really really would like, has a phone interview on Tuesday. Whats the deal with that then? Well he is in the running for this job, the agency have told him he ticks all the boxes. The company have had this position open for six months now and all the people the prospective employers have looked at are not suitable.
Im so excited!
We will have to relocate to the Isle of Man - Island between Ireland and Wales!
I get the feeling he is looking for reasons not to take it. Having to pack up the house - told him I have sold 5 houses and moved so thats not an issue. Its not fair on you - hell I want to move he just has to get the job! Stepdaughter visits - he has said she is at the age were she will want to spend more time with her friends etc. This has already started asking to go to a party instead of our weekend. The expense of visitations - he will be earning loads more and we could see about once a month instead of every other weekend.
For me the dilemma is I WANT THIS. No disrespect to any english, part of my family is english, but I have not settled here and find the community spirit Im used to in Ireland does not exist, and I struggle.
The Isle of Man is 31miles long by 13 miles wide, the associate in my office is from the Isle of Man and he told me if its community I want then I would be going to the right place.
If hubby gets the job then what. Im worried that any issues raised in relation to my stepdaughter would make me resentful and I dont want that. I dont want to feel trapped either.
So there you go the next dilemma in my stepmum life.
I can safely say as a new stepmum I walked into my new family situation, three years ago, totally naïve. I can still hear the words in my head ‘stepdaughter comes first’, ‘don’t worry I’m sure we will get along just fine’; after the concern voiced by my hubby.
Then at the first ripple when my toe hit the stepfamily waters it was like a ten ton truck, driven by my husbands ex, trying to run me over. Must stress though three years on and we are all on a more even keel now. Phew!
If I had only been honest with my husband and more so myself the stress, tension and heartache would probably not have existed and a few years of life not lost. I do know that ‘what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger’ and Im very much alive. I have come through it and although there may be the odd hiccup Im honest with my husband and myself.
A fellow blogger Mesina author of And Then There Was Me…. Defines honesty in a fabulous post, ‘The Many Faces of Honesty’
Imagine for one second, your life without honesty. Honesty enters your life in many forms, has been there from the time you arrived until the day your last breath is taken. Think about it, you don't have to look that hard to see……..
I will continue with further extracts in a moment, but I would like to keep to the main point of honesty within the stepfamily.
My Husband …. I started as a stepmum and kept all my annoyances and irritations that my stepdaughter unwittingly hit me with. Taking the remote and flicking channels while you were watching your favourite unmissable programme. Taking the phone and making calls without asking permission. Raiding the fridge etc. etc. I had to ask permission as a child, why not her! The tension and pressure built up and up until one Sunday it exploded!!! Boy did it explode!! Crying, arguing and at one point talk of separation. I can look back now and see if only I had been honest with him!
Eating away at a woman's heart is a secret she keeps in silence. To unleash it would change the life she knows. She tries hard to confront the door she keeps tightly closed, she opens her mouth so many times to give it away but only silence ensues. That is the fear of honesty.
I was scared.
My Stepdaughter…. I thought I was going to be her best pal. I thought we would go girlie shopping and do all the girlie things together. But she was not interested. It was rejection and dejection all with a smile. It left me confused. If I had been honest with her instead of trying to win her over then things would probably be different.
Somewhere today a Mother is laying her eyes for the first time upon her newborn baby. After many months she is finally able to see the shining face she's longed for. Nothing exists in that room except that child and she cries. That is the beauty of honesty.
I needed to remember she already had a mother.
Myself … above all else I needed to be honest to myself. I was not and it caused such tension and raised emotions. You can not know how being a stepmother can affect you and your married life unless you have walked a mile in our shoes.
So I put it to all new stepmums be honest with those around you, but most of all be honest to yourself.
It doesn't always feel good and sometimes we sacrafice so much in order to live our lives honestly. But compare that to a life lived dishonestly and I assure you it is better to face the pain than live a life of lies.
Thank you to Mesina for granting me permission to use extracts from her blog post ‘The Many Faces of Honesty’ you can view the full post by clicking here.
Help me to have the patience of a saint when I see my stepchildren get away with the things I did not.
Give me the intelligence of MENSA combined to know everything I need to and already should on raising another’s child.
Help me keep a level head when my husband is mistaken for the ATM machine and keep my feet on the ground when a few kicks up the behind are in order.
Let me have understanding in all things even when half of the requests, such as you need to take the kids on holiday baffle me when they were taken out of the country for a two week holiday three months before!
Help me be the loving mother to children that wont let me.
A fellow stepmother and blogger - Toolbox Girl author of The Step Mom's Toolbox is on the search for Step mums to assist in completing her book. I will let her explain in her own words:
