Then at the first ripple when my toe hit the stepfamily waters it was like a ten ton truck, driven by my husbands ex, trying to run me over. Must stress though three years on and we are all on a more even keel now. Phew!
If I had only been honest with my husband and more so myself the stress, tension and heartache would probably not have existed and a few years of life not lost. I do know that ‘what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger’ and Im very much alive. I have come through it and although there may be the odd hiccup Im honest with my husband and myself.
A fellow blogger Mesina author of And Then There Was Me…. Defines honesty in a fabulous post, ‘The Many Faces of Honesty’
Imagine for one second, your life without honesty. Honesty enters your life in many forms, has been there from the time you arrived until the day your last breath is taken. Think about it, you don't have to look that hard to see……..I will continue with further extracts in a moment, but I would like to keep to the main point of honesty within the stepfamily.
My Husband …. I started as a stepmum and kept all my annoyances and irritations that my stepdaughter unwittingly hit me with. Taking the remote and flicking channels while you were watching your favourite unmissable programme. Taking the phone and making calls without asking permission. Raiding the fridge etc. etc. I had to ask permission as a child, why not her!
The tension and pressure built up and up until one Sunday it exploded!!!
Boy did it explode!!
Crying, arguing and at one point talk of separation. I can look back now and see if only I had been honest with him!
Eating away at a woman's heart is a secret she keeps in silence. To unleash it would change the life she knows. She tries hard to confront the door she keeps tightly closed, she opens her mouth so many times to give it away but only silence ensues. That is the fear of honesty.I was scared.
My Stepdaughter…. I thought I was going to be her best pal. I thought we would go girlie shopping and do all the girlie things together. But she was not interested. It was rejection and dejection all with a smile. It left me confused. If I had been honest with her instead of trying to win her over then things would probably be different.
Somewhere today a Mother is laying her eyes for the first time upon her newborn baby. After many months she is finally able to see the shining face she's longed for. Nothing exists in that room except that child and she cries. That is the beauty of honesty.I needed to remember she already had a mother.
Myself … above all else I needed to be honest to myself. I was not and it caused such tension and raised emotions. You can not know how being a stepmother can affect you and your married life unless you have walked a mile in our shoes.
So I put it to all new stepmums be honest with those around you, but most of all be honest to yourself.
It doesn't always feel good and sometimes we sacrafice so much in order to live our lives honestly. But compare that to a life lived dishonestly and I assure you it is better to face the pain than live a life of lies.
Thank you to Mesina for granting me permission to use extracts from her blog post ‘The Many Faces of Honesty’ you can view the full post by clicking here.